I just watched Naussicaä of the Valley of the Wind again and it’s so much better than I remember. Like, I actually think it’s quite epic. I watched it in parts - because of time limits - but when I was sitting there watching it my eyes were glued to the screen haha. I also watched Laputa: Castle in the Sky again before that, and I felt the same way. I don’t know why I’m thinking this only now, but they are definitely old classics/gems.

I’ve been trying to figure out who I am. I can tell you that when I stare at a room long enough, I’m nauseated at how disjointed everything looks - like a dollhouse with ugly furniture. I can tell you that I’ve been so tired lately, no matter how much sleep I get. There are thousands of worlds, universes even, inside of my mind, but I can’t tell you the names of the planets and the galaxies. I’m thinking of how I am, and I’m unsure of what the answer is. I’ve gotten terrible at articulating my thoughts, it seems. My words aren’t flowing. They’re stuck. I’m in a rut. These are my thoughts, but why do they feel so foreign? Where have I gone? I’ve hidden myself in a labyrinth with no end, but I wouldn’t be able to answer you if you asked me what I was hiding from. There are no monsters in my kingdom, but I still tremble in my dreams. If you’ve figured me out, or if you’ve found me, please let me know. -

This feels weird saying this to you guys but… I’ve been wanting to go on some sort of high school school exchange program somewhere in east Asia (preferable Japan) for quite a while now. But I can never seem to find any that are open for applicants who are UK residents. I know that since I’m 18 now it’s highly unlikely, apart from University/College (degree) programs but if any of you guys have found any good sites or know of anything I’d be really reallyy grateful.

I think I cried
But perhaps I didn’t.
I flew into my head and there
fifty tiny oceans lay in a coffin. -

I’ve built a wall around me, never letting anybody inside and
trying not to venture outside myself. -

Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you. -